Dear Ted

Hi Ted,

It’s been almost 2 years since I received your last message and I wasn’t sure whether to respond. Since you began your letter by telling me that you “know me”, I thought I would start from the beginning by explaining what I know about both you and me.

When we were going together in high school, both of us 17, I’m pretty sure that you recall I was struggling with my own mental illness, hiding in bushes when traffic drove by, struggling with paranoid delusions. At the same time you continually told me, that you would die without me, or become addicted to heroine, it fed my paranoia and I spent a year trying to find a gentle way to break up with you. I just knew our relationship was not healthy and I needed freedom from it.

When I finally broke up with you as gently as I could, you lashed out at me instantly and told me how you cheated on me. It shocked me to see how quickly you were willing to hurt me when I’d labored so hard not to hurt you.

Then you ganged up with Tom Taffe, after I’d moved out of state, and sent me a shaming letter, threatening to embarrass me to everyone with my nude photos that I’d given to you. as a christmas present

When you and I became friends, a few years later, we let by gones be by gones, even though you never apologized for what you did to intentionally hurt me, yet you often reminded me of how I had hurt you, sometimes referring to me as “the woman who broke your heart”. I always wondered how you didn’t realize that what you did to me was traumatizing, as it would be for any teenage girl.

But we let that go, and never brought it up again, though I never forgot that you could not fully be trusted and you never took accountability. You never apologized.

Throughout our relationship you made insulting statements to me and I did not respond. When I told you I was pregnant with Bryan,. you told me I was living like a Mexican. When I showed you a picture of Jane for the first time, when she was 3 years old, your only remark was that she “looks like the devil.” I didn’t respond to the insults at the time, but they hurt me deeply enough to leave permanent memories.

I took a lot of your insults with silence because I continued to feel responsible for hurting you, Ted, continuing on with an undeserved guilt I was burdened with at age 17.

I was far too willing to take on a guilt that was never mine and it seems that you were far too willing to take advantage of that.

You were well aware of how abusive Beth has always been, especially to me. As soon as you and I had a falling out, you went straight to her, making me realize that it must be your MO to find family members and gang up on people that you resent.

Thank you for letting me know about George. I actually found some of his old letters and got in touch with him a couple years before he died. We stayed in touch until Covid appeared.

During the time that I corresponded with George (we have 63 emails) , after reading all his old letters and looking back at everything, I realized that George never did anything with the intention of hurting anyone. He didn’t cheat on his wife. He didn’t cheat on me, he broke up with me. He never expressed any ill will toward you, and I thought I should share that with you.

The fact that you are willing to join with family members to chastise other family members has always bothered me, to tell you the truth. David was always a mean little brother, from what I remember. He taunted his big brother and enjoyed picking on him. I never saw George respond in kind, nor did I ever see what George ever did to deserve it.

I never saw George be intentionally cruel to anyone, or show any interest in gossiping about anyone. I regret the times I contributed to the George-bashing with you.

For the record, it always made me cringe when you would brag how you fooled around with Claudia. I think you told me about that event almost every time that we spoke, and I found it distasteful each time I heard your story. I never encouraged you to share that story with me, but you insisted upon reminding me. It occurred to me long ago that George never did that to you, he never cheated behind your back, or behind hers, so I never understood why you took pleasure in the deceit.

One of the biggest wall between us, Ted, was your seeming indifference to Marilyn’s death. I’m pretty sure that you never had a clue how it devastated me. Every time Beth’s name would ever come up in our conversations, you would retell the story of Marilyn’s funeral, and how outrageous you felt Beth’s behavior was. I was sickened to hear the story because I didn’t want the image of my sister, Marilyn, lying alone, lifeless, in her coffin, in my head. It was painful to be reminded of a funeral that I had missed.

I would quickly change the subject when you began to describe Marilyn’s funeral, never taking the opportunity to tell you the many times Beth has been physically violent with me.

You can trust that I have many more stories about Beth’s violence and rage than you, that I never shared with you, yet you shared the story of Marilyn’s funeral with me countless times. It was excruciating for me to listen to your story.

That’s why it screamed extreme hypocrisy when you befriended her, after a lifetime of you bashing her to me.

But it also matched what seems to be your MO, and hers. Both of you seem to need to solicit others around you to help when you choose to bully me. Beth did it in every possible situation in my life. You actually have no clue.

I’m sorry to say that I have no doubt that, before your falling out with Beth, you participated in talking trash about me with Beth, because I know that my big sister would not have it any other way.

That is what ended our friendship permanently, Ted, I’m very sorry to say. I’m quite sure it’s the best decision for my mental health. There has to be some measure of trust, for even a “cordial” relationship.

As far as Trump, I guess I should clarify the original facebook block wasn’t about Trump, rather much more about the open racism, insisting that Obama was the Leader of the Muslim Brotherhood who sought the destruction of the usa, fanning the flames of violence among the most ignorant among us. Some of your facebook friends, who bought into the ignorant racism, and it felt unwise to stay on soc media w/others I considered believed to be potentially dangerous. Even though I’m not a fan of Obama. I just don’t understand what kind of person would want to incite a civil war by insistently spreading such a ridiculous, and false narrative.

I hadn’t intended to stay out of touch with you through other means, until you texted me about Beth.

Now that I’ve had a lifetime to reflect on our relationship, I think it’s best to leave it in history and not to form anything new. I wish you the best.

I’m very sorry that you lost Caye, and I’m sorry for Caye that her life was cut short. I wish, just once, you’d expressed some sympathy for the loss of Marilyn, or even asked about the loss of my big sister, Nancy, or mentioned Johnny. I cry for them to this day on a regular basis.

I apologize for my delay in extending my condolences for your loss.