She told me her daughter had been on meds for ADHD since 4th grade.
“But, she visited me in the summers and never took meds for ADHD.” I said.
“Well, she SHOULD have been taking them!” she says. Then changes the conversation.
Is she a compulsive liar or completely negligent? Or was it sabotage? I don’t ask anymore for fear she’ll respond with anger. I walk on eggs.
She clearly sent me with another medication for another medical condition with written instructions, audio instructions, with prescription bottle and insurance card. I would remember if she’d ever sent her with anything else.
Is this why she was up all night every night and slept through every day?
Was she having withdrawals from the meds she was accustomed to taking? Or was she ever taking them at all?
I’m not supposed to ask questions or I’m accused of criticizing.
I stay silent for years and my granddaughter is very sick now. She was in a facility by orders from CPS, under recommendations by medical doctors.
My granddaughter and daughter call me from the facility, asking me to help them get her out of there, against legal orders and doctor recommendations. I felt I needed to question my daughter about this the next day.
She implies something horrible is happening at the facility, and I want to know what is true. I try and ask her in an indirect way, explaining I had a high fever when they called which I did, so I wasn’t sure I understood what it was they wanted me to do. I’d had two vaccines the day before (with email to prove it) shingles and rsv vaccines, one of them notorious for knocking you on your behind. I told her I needed to understand what she was asking of me on the call and she texted back with words that I had not said.
“Sorry for bugging you, we won’t call you in the next emergency.” she texts.
“you’re not bugging me. you never bug me to inform me about my granddaughter.” I respond.
“Sorry for bothering you, we won’t call you in the next crisis.” she texts back.
She insists upon putting words in my mouth claiming that there are thoughts in my head which are not there. Why is this necessary to completely change my words? And again, she threatens to cut me off, this time more passive aggressively than usual.
I tell her I’m still waiting for her to send me a copy of her daughter’s EKG. I know I’m not supposed to ask, but since she’s asked me to take her into my home you would think she would understand it is important that I have that information.
She tells me she’s been too busy to send me the EKG. I send her links to Dr. Berry, because she claimed to be interested. Dr. Berry is the best child psychologist on youtube, who specializes with conditions like ADHD and eating disorders. She has years of diverse experience and is thoroughly educated on the subject. My daughter tells me she has no time for my emails, despite that she pretended to be interested in our phone call.
I explode and tell her she’s manipulative, and trying to make me feel guilty, and we shouldn’t interact anymore. I shouldn’t have said that. Instead, I should have said the conversation needed to end. Then again, I don’t believe we’ll ever see eye to eye, so there’s no need to create friction.
She tells me she’s been trying to dismiss my opinion for years, with the help of counseling. I tell her I’m glad she’s finally being honest. To myself I think, that explains why no cards and no thank you’s for decades, she’s been working on it. At least I know I’m not paranoid now. It actually has been both mean spirited and intentional. What a shame.
I am actually glad that she’s being honest. It all makes sense now. If I had only remembered that time years ago when she said, “You and me against the family, Mom, that’s the way I always wanted it to be.” She’s wrong about that.
i never wanted to be me and anyone against anyone. I don’t like people who gang up and I’m sorry about that. People who join gangs don’t think for themselves and they make bad decisions based on bad information.
I’ll never forget the excitement my daughter expressed when she told me that both of her children hated their fathers and wanted nothing to do with them. She said it to me as if it were some kind of victory.
I wondered at the hypocrisy. I was never allowed to criticize her father, who did far less for her than theirs did for them. He never paid a single penny in child support and he took back her crib and her bicycle, because he couldn’t bear to give. Much as I still love him and remember his good traits, I also remember that he was a deeply selfish man. He also took those things back because his mother was always in his ear insisting that he get back the things that she had paid for. He also tried to steal her social security money in the last six months of his life, with the assistance of his mother.
I can’t help but notice that she still has the time to post her dancing videos on instagram. I get to see my daughter dancing seductively in front of her serial rapist uncle, who is one of her friends on instagram. It’s a good dance class, and she’s very good at it, don’t get me wrong. But it makes me physically ill to see this rapist’s profile, claiming to still be “a visionary” with “contemplations to come”, literally.
This man is lucky he didn’t get life in prison, and he had the nerve to block and complain about his victim when she showed up on facebook a few months before her accidental overdose. He never suffered any consequences for a decade of abusing little girls who did not want it.
Instead, he’s found a way to live a life full of lust and pleasure, escaping all consequences. Does it make me sick? You bet it does. Have I stayed silent about it, not to make waves. Yes I have. Was it worth it? I don’t fucking know.
Both my grandchildren have ghosted me, so why hold back any longer?
I lay low on her social media feed because of the damaging personalities who follow her. I’ve always thought she was a talented dancer. I suggest a small dance studio where she could teach. She’s always saying she wants to be her own boss. She says that wouldn’t be enough, she wants an entire school with all educational departments included. It’s never enough.
She continues to treat her father like he was a hero, when he did nothing but use both her and me.
But she finally has her gang now, the gang she’s always wanted. i finally know now, after her final statement, that all of it was on purpose. Not telling me about her wedding until the night before, pretending to take offense when I send her money so she can solicit others to join her in her rage. Never sending me a card or pictures of the kids, turning down all my invitations to spend holidays. All of it was intentional and on purpose on her part. I kept telling myself she couldn’t be that cruel.
She made huge and grand displays of praise and affection on social media, at times, to make me and others feel like they never do enough for her. I’m so glad she finally blocked me this last time. There is so much mean spiritedness in her methods. I document this now because she has poisoned her children’s minds, who don’t have a problem withholding the truth from me, and who have learned to take with resentment.
This year I gave them one/third of my yearly income and didn’t get a single Christmas card or call. Not that I ever did, that’s nothing new. They withhold information about my granddaughter. Just send money.
My daughter lives in a fantasy and imagines I have much more than I do. She’s received far more help than anyone in the family, in her generation. As the inherited money continues to be divided, there will be less and less. it’s important that this family learn how to support itself.
I am willing to help my grandchildren as they make me proud when they show me a willingness to get on their feet. I am not willing to throw money at a daughter who I know to be completely thoughtless with her finances, and who continues to use emotional blackmail, and hateful entitlement, throughout her life, to obtain this imaginary money.
I’ve never criticized her housekeeping or her cooking or her wardrobe or her child-rearing. I have been silent. So what is this opinion of mine that offends her so? I honestly believe her anger is all about the money, and only about the money. That’s all she’s ever wanted from me, ever.
I’ve been more generous with her than my parents were with me, and she will never understand that or be in any way gracious about it.
Sorry to say, but when I was her age, in 1984, I was working my way through college with not a penny of help from family or fathers, still scrubbing toilets for a living, and accumulating debt from college loans. I slept on a cot in a 300 foot student apartment shared with my adolescent son. I had maxed out my credit cards and went into a pauper’s bankruptcy which did not get resolved from my credit until 2016. I asked my parents for help and they turned me down for some reason. I didn’t hold it against them, continued to send cards, visit on holidays, etc., etc.
I have a feeling my daughter wants me to bail her out of the 3 cc debts she now has. She yelled about it while on the phone at the facility, while there with her daughter. I was trying to get answers from her about her physical condition, her reason for thinking I should take her out of the facility against legal advice, when she blurted it out.
I’m very sorry, but I cannot bail her out. I don’t mind paying for an attorney to file bankruptcy, but that’s the best I can offer.
In truth, my daughter has received more support than anyone in the family will ever receive again, as the estate is divided, again and again. Her pension will be several times larger than mine, thank god for that.
I wanted to be able to support my grandchildren while they enter adulthood with no resentment about having to work for a living. I wanted to support that, but somehow it got undermined.
I entered the working world the same, with no resentment, not expecting help from anyone. In fact, I sacrificed most of my twenties for favors they asked of me, with no resentment as i loved my little sister and wanted desperately to help her.
She was angry that she had to work for a living for as long as I can remember. I’m not sure why.
She was angry with each pregnancy that no one was helping her enough. I’m not sure what she wanted. I’d just begun to teach and my first semester of teaching paid less than a para-professional when she gave birth the first time.
I was still living paycheck to paycheck, and continued that way until my sixties. I wasn’t able to help her that much financially and she was angry about that long before I inherited anything. That’s for the record. I’m just trying to understand what it is that’s always been up her butt. Why she’s always expected so much more than what I have. It’s a very hopeless feeling.
Oikos 